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  1. The moustache victim of fickle public taste

    Having realised what a complete twit he looked I would'nt put it past Peter Mandelson to try and persuade Gordon Brown to wear a moustache-now…

  2. Squirrels’ obstacle course

    Squirrels certainly seem too learn quickly enough when there is a free meal at the end of it. Their balance and speed is incredible although I speak from experience when I say that they can bite – those teeth go through a hazelnut without touching the sides and similarly with any fingers in the way.

  3. Mobile phone payment for Tube tickets

    I am sure Sharon (who has my sympathy over her mobile parking difficulties) will be keen to give this a try!

  4. UK’s families put on fraud alert

    Two discs with personal details of all families in the UK with a child under 16 have been "lost in the post" it seems. Although the discs are…

  5. "I didn’t realise there were some kids out there."

    Former soap actor and Celebrity Love Island loser, Paul Danan, had a bit of an accident with his words and has been booted from Preston’s…

  6. Police ordered to delete records

    I hope they dont get in touch with my old Headmaster and find out what I used to get up to!

  7. Archbishop’s assault on US foreign policy

    I think this is outrageous. Regardless of whether you think he is right or wrong, he should not be voicing these opinions given the position…

  8. Tube announcements lady sacked for being funny

    After eight years as the official voice of London’s tube announcements, Emma Clarke has been sacked for recording a few spoof Tube…

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  1. Welcome!

    “Well, here we are! Today we open our doors and welcome in our first members to Complete Twit. So, what’s it all about? Do you find yourself…”

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