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  1. Is this justice?

    You surely cannot have a system whereby two people having committed the same offence will face different punishments according to whether…

  2. No one seems to have asked the opinion of the bear

    His name was Barnaby apparently, but the children could not pronounce it – hence asking them for a name that they could pronounce. It goes to…

  3. Handgrinder surgery saves ring man’s blushes

    If you want to have a go at embarrassing yourself then you ought to regard this bloke as something of a role model!

  4. Dodi’s ex-fiancee tells inquest of 'betrayal'

    Looks to me as if Kelly Fisher had a lucky escape!

  5. Row over payments to failed asylum seekers

    Talk about encouraging anybody to come here illegally! For any entrepreneurial bod wanting to start a business in another country, the first…

  6. Kyrgyzstan set for key election

    Anyone prepared to give me odds on the chances of an 'honest' election (as the president is pledging will happen) taking place? There are some…

  7. MoD under pressure to explain data loss

    Why hasnt anybody asked what this Royal Navy officer was doing in Birmingham on the night of 9th Jan when the laptop in question was stolen…

  8. You never know what might be lurking in the bushes…

    A pet dog? the family cat? the furry guineapig? What next – the smallest child? Why don’t they get the message and go out and annihilate…

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  1. Welcome!

    “Well, here we are! Today we open our doors and welcome in our first members to Complete Twit. So, what’s it all about? Do you find yourself…”

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