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  1. Ming - reporting on the passing of an era

    Ming the quahog clam, who has died aged 405, lived longer than any other creature known to man.…

  2. Absurd laws

    What is the most absurd law in Britain? A ban on people dying in the Houses of Parliament has been hailed as the most absurd piece of…

  3. This week’s saying

    'Sometimes the best way of winning an argument is not to have an argument at all' Archbishop Desmond Tutu

  4. Instruction leaflet for clearing up a broken lightbulb

    I'm sorry but if politicians don’t know how to use a dustpan and brush to sweep up a broken light bulb without being given a set of…

  5. The moustache victim of fickle public taste

    Having realised what a complete twit he looked I would'nt put it past Peter Mandelson to try and persuade Gordon Brown to wear a moustache-now…

  6. Mobile phone payment for Tube tickets

    I am sure Sharon (who has my sympathy over her mobile parking difficulties) will be keen to give this a try!

  7. UK’s families put on fraud alert

    Two discs with personal details of all families in the UK with a child under 16 have been "lost in the post" it seems. Although the discs are…

  8. "I didn’t realise there were some kids out there."

    Former soap actor and Celebrity Love Island loser, Paul Danan, had a bit of an accident with his words and has been booted from Preston’s…

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  1. Welcome!

    “Well, here we are! Today we open our doors and welcome in our first members to Complete Twit. So, what’s it all about? Do you find yourself…”

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